So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
