You work out of a Hotel?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
