your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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