that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
