fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This girl is more easily done than said...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Two words: blizzard sex
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
