he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize