we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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