The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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