Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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