he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've blown a few things in my day
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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