You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dicks are not precious.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
