the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
