This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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