So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
