My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
