Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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