Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
