i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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