Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
