Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
