if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
