I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
