When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
