Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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