before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
