Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
