Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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