Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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