Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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