I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
