Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
