just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
