My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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