Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
