He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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