My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
