ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
