and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize