he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
