why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
