You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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