I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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