just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize