Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
