I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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