2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
