The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
