i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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