Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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