this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
