he thought i was a dude.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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