I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
