I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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