She's JV to your varsity
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
