Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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