I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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