Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
