i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
